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parental stress
Parenting can be very rewarding, but at times it can also be challenging, despite a parent's best efforts to remain calm when their child is displaying unwanted behaviours. Various factors can lead to parental stress and impact on the family if they are not resolved.
Discover what your main stress is below:
Children's behaviour
Managing Meltdowns and Taming Tantrums
Kids can and will display unwanted behaviours that indicate they are upset, angry or frustrated at some point in the early years but how do you as a parent manage these situations?
Do you find yourself becoming equally upset and frustrated?
No matter what you try it doesn’t work and the situation escalates?
Well you are only human after all; there are many families who can sympathise because they’ve probably been there with their own kids, including myself!
Most people assume that what they are seeing is a child throwing a tantrum, But it may be a meltdown - when a child becomes overwhelmed with a particular situation, they can struggle to process instructions given to them by a parent, they may not fully understand what is expected of them and if you’ve ever experienced your child having a meltdown, you will have recognised that a tantrum requires you to use a different approach to dealing with a meltdown.
Here are some techniques for taming tantrums and managing meltdowns.
Ways to Tame a Tantrum
It’s not unusual for young kids to have tantrums when they’re upset, angry, or frustrated, or when something doesn’t go their way. Tantrums are common with younger children, but being on the receiving end when kids lash out can be just as frustrating for parents and the situation can be hard to handle. However, tantrums are usually something kids have at least some control over. Many kids can change how they’re behaving based on how people around them are reacting. There are also ways to keep tantrums from happening in the first place.
Try these tips to stop tantrums in their tracks.
· Agree on a keyword that can be used by your child to let you know things are starting to make them feel frustrated - this will help you to recognise the triggers in the future. Explore with your child what “getting frustrated” looks like for them. Ask if there’s anything your child wants you to look for, too. Then come up with a signal or keyword to use when your child is getting frustrated. Talk about what you’ll both do to calm the situation when you use the signal or keyword
· Find a quiet space to encourage them to have 'thinking time'. Find a place in your home that can be a designated quiet space. It doesn’t have to be fancy. For example, it could simply be a chair your child likes to sit in. Explain to them, this is a space for calming down and having some 'thinking time', let them know it is not a punishment space. Your child can go there to take a break when you use the frustration signal, try to remain with your child to let them know you are there for them and show them you are there 'to think together'. (At first, you may need to remind your child a few times, the place where they can go to calm down)
· Think about what’s caused the tantrum. Using a keyword or signal or going to a quiet space might not always do the trick. If you can't avoid your child's tantrum; try to figure out what has caused it. Knowing the trigger makes it easier to defuse the situation. It also helps you both find better ways to avoid the situation next time.
· Set clear and simple age appropriate rules and boundaries. Be clear about how you expect your child to behave. Use 'when-then' sentences like, “When you speak to me in a calmer voice, then we can talk this through.” This gives your child a choice about whether to follow through or not. It will also help them to recognise the unwanted behaviour and help themto take some responsibility in owning their behaviour
· Respect your child’s feelings. Your child might be playing up but that doesn’t mean your child’s feelings aren’t real. Try to be understanding and empathic.
Help your child put names to those feelings. For example: “I know you’re angry with me because I asked you to turn off the games console. I get mad, too, when I have to stop doing something fun.”
· Ignore it.(as long as it is safe to do so) At times, the best reaction is no reaction. Ignore the behaviour if it is within a safe capacity; As long as It will not lead to them hurting themselves or another person. Maybe your child’s tantrum is increased by the amount of attention you give when you try to tame it. In those cases, it can be better to give your child space and not respond at all. Ignoring the behaviour will also give a them clear message that you are not willing to tolerate a confrontation with your child and it will also set the boundaries for them on what you consider as being a valid subject of debate.
· Praise the behaviour you want to see. When your child gains control and calms down, let your child know it with praise Give specifics about what your child did well. For example, “I know you were angry, and it was hard for you to stop yelling. You did a great job taking some time to cool down, well done for thinking about the behaviour and how it can be avoided the next time'.
Techniques to Manage a Meltdown
Meltdowns are a full-body reaction to being overwhelmed. They’re more extreme than tantrums, and kids aren’t in control of them. Managing meltdowns is more complicated than taming tantrums. Knowing the triggers can help you avoid a total explosion. But even if you can’t stop a meltdown, there are ways you can respond to help your child regain control.
· Get to know your child’s triggers.
They’re not the same for every child, and your child may not be reacting to something obvious. For some kids, it might be an emotional outburst or it could be a sensory processing overload. For others, it might be triggered by unexpected changes, or pain and fear. Knowing your child’s triggers can make it easier to avoid meltdowns.
· Notice when it’s escalating. You may notice that your child gets anxious before school or they may experience overwhelm towards the end of the day Or maybe meltdowns happen close to mealtimes or bedtime. In that case, hunger or fatigue may be triggers. Or you may notice that there are certain places where they happen, like noisy or crowded places. If you catch the signs early enough, you might be able to help your child calm down before a full-blown meltdown occurs.
Common warning signs are:
* Trouble thinking clearly, making decisions, or responding to questions
* Repeating thoughts or questions over and over
* Refusing to follow directions or cooperate
* Trying to shut out noises, sights, and other sensory things, or trying to run away or hide
* Moving restlessly, like fidgeting or pacing
* Complaining of physical issues like dizziness or heart pounding
· Try to distract from the trigger. For some kids, the escalation phase can be interrupted. It might help to distract your child with a different task or activity.
· Try to be patient. Your instinct may be to try to stop an escalation quickly. But talking fast and loud often makes it worse.
Give your child more space and more time to process what you’re saying. Use simple basic instructions that reduce your child’s need to make decisions. Use a countdown down prompt to help them process what you are asking them to do, such as 'I would like you to turn your game off in 10 minutes. (using a clock with hands as a visual aid can help them to process and follw the instruction)
During the Meltdown
1. Assess the risks. When your child is screaming and throwing things, it may feel like an emergency. But that doesn’t mean it is. The question to consider: Is anyone hurt or going to get hurt?
2. offer reassurance. It takes trial and error to know if your child wants physical distance or a firm hug or touch. But keeping your voice and body language calm is helpful in either case. Make sure your child knows you’re there and that you understand that this may feel scary and out of control.
3. Provide a safe space. If you’re out in public, try to help your child move to a quieter place. If you’re at home, see if you can get your child to go to a spot that’s quiet. If it’s not possible to move your child, ask other people to give you both some space.
4. Tone it down. Turn down lights, keep things quiet, and try not to crowd your child. If you’re at home and your child isn’t able or willing to move, try standing off to the side. (Standing in the doorway can make kids feel blocked in.)
5. Consider your post-meltdown plan. Start thinking about how to reconnect with your child when the meltdown is over, rather than do something that starts it up again. You may need to abandon your shopping trip. If the meltdown was triggered by an emotional conversation, you may need to back away from that topic. You can find a new way to approach it the next time you talk about it.
After the Meltdown
1. Take time to recover. When calming down, your child might feel embarrassed or guilty. You’ll probably see physical exhaustion, too. Give your child some time to relax; offer them 'thinking time' to help them to understand why their behaviour is unwanted. when they are in a calm space offer to sit and talk with them about the behaviour to help you both to recognise the triggers. You can use examples about how it makes them feel/ how it might make others around them feel - try to help them to identify their emotions when their unwanted behaviour is triggered.
2. Find the right time to talk. You can help your child make sense of what happened. Right after a meltdown may not be the best time, though. When you’re both calm, here are some ways to approach it:
- Give your child plenty of notice that you’re going to talk and reassure your child, he is not in trouble.
- Be brief. Talking about a meltdown can make kids feel bad and defensive. Say what you need to say but try to avoid saying the same thing over and over.
- Help your child to understand the discussion. Ask your child to repeat back to you what you talked about and answer any questions they may have. If you’ve decided on an action plan, ask your child to repeat it back to you.
- Managing meltdowns and taming tantrums takes lots of practice for both of you. Learning to recognise the signs and teaching your child some coping skills can help you both find better ways to respond to the unwanted behaviour in the future.
safeguarding and the Child Protection Process
Family Stress - Children's Services Involvement and understanding the Child Protection process.
- Has your child recently been referred to Children's Services?
- Are you currently involved with Children's Services and you're not sure what to do?
- Is your child on a Child in Need/Child Protection Plan?
- Do you feel anxious, scared and confused? about the Child Protection process?
- Are you finding it difficult to understand what is going on with your family?
- Do you feel like there has been increased stress in your family whilst being involved with Children's services?
- Are you worried about what will happen to you and your family?
- Do you want a better understanding of why your child currently has a social worker in their life?
If this sounds like you and your family - I can help ...
Kiddie-safe provides a step by step individual support plan to each family to help you get through the stress of having a social work professional in your family life right now.
You don't need to go through this on your own - I can help you get through this difficult period in your life. I provide families with the tools to help them to understand and make the changes required of parents, during the child protection process. I provide a easy to follow coaching and mentoring programme to assist the family to successfully get through the difficulties of managing the expectations of being involved with Childrens Services.
I help parents involved with Children's Services to easily navigate the child protection process and reduce anxiety and stress within the family
- I can help parents to understand the process from the start of the initial referral process through to the longer term plan for intervention support whilst your child is involved with social care.
- I can provide essential tools to support you to build positive relationships with your child's social worker.
- Supporting families to develop an understanding of the language used in formal meetings and written reports whilst a Child in Need/Child Protection plan is in place. Developing families' understanding of the terms used: Safeguarding, Child in Need, Child Protection, and what is expected of you and your family whilst a social worker is involved with your child.
- I will work with you, the parent and your family to provide support and help you to identify and use the essential tools to assist you to develop your understanding of the service.
- I can help you to understand what is expected of you, and help you to understand what you need to do whilst Local Authority Childrens Services are involved with you and your children to reduce the stress and tension which can sometimes feel like you having experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions for you all in the family.
- You will develop an increased awareness of your strengths and build on existing parenting and communication skills.
- I can provide essential support to build your confidence and use transferable skills to also build your child's confidence.
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Support Programmes Available:
4 week intensive coaching and mentoring programme
4 x 1 weekly 2 hour online zoom or face to face sessions
2 x weekly 40 min telephone advice and support
6 week coaching and mentoring support programme :
6 x 1 weekly 1 1/2 hour online zoom or face to face sessions.
2 x weekly 45 min telephone advice and support.
12 week coaching support package
12 x 1 weekly 2 hour online zoom or face to face session
2 x 45 min telephone advice and support
All the programmes will be tailored to suit your individual and family needs.
Any package programmes purchased above will include a progress report or written summary of sessions on request
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